The Player

Getsaround Alotius

He's smooth, he's suave and he's got a bevy of women he's juggling--he's The Player. He always knows exactly what to say to make you feel at ease and he'll make all the right moves, but that's only because he's got metric crap-tons of practice. Beware the man with the sweet smile and silver tongue, he is absolutely up to no good.

What to Expect:

The worst. No, seriously. This guy is nothing but trouble and if you encounter him run in the opposite direction as fast as you possibly can. If need-be, grab a cab. The problem is that he'll probably follow, because The Player likes a chase. He enjoys a good challenge every now and then. You see, he's so used to getting by successfully on his good looks and witty charm that he just can't fail most of the time. But even if the cad manages to catch up with you, just keep on walking, because you're going to be so much better off without him in your life. He will do everything in his power to make you feel special, might even emulate The Romantic a bit, only you'll be able to tell the difference because it will come in fits and spurts and seem very store-bought, very artificial. You'll notice he'll refer to you as "baby" or some other trite nickname instead of using your own; he'll make plans and then cancel them right beforehand or will try to schedule something at the last minute because he's suddenly free; he'll say he's never done "something like this" before and convince you he's being sincere when really he's just reciting the same old lines he did last week. You'll begin to wonder about all of this after about the first week or so, but you'll attempt to brush it aside as him being busy or aloof. You'll find yourself making excuses for him. You'll try to rationalize and justify all his faults, slights and character flaws, but deep down inside you'll realize that you're just covering for someone who's (God/Jeebus/Vishnu/Gloria Steinam help me) "just not that into you." Ladies, take note: if a guy is, to quote Mr. Hammer, "Legit," he will prove himself to be as such. If he's not willing or capable of doing so, he doesn't deserve you. And this guy doesn't even deserve to be the gum stuck to the bottom of your knee-high stiletto boots. We women aren't toys and we aren't a dime-a-dozen, so don't you dare let him treat you as such.