Rules of Dating--A Timeline

I'm interrupting these non-regularly scheduled posts to bring something to the table which is sorely needed in the world of dating and relationships--a How To guide. What's the point in knowing who all these men are if you don't have a game plan? And if you're one of the men detailed so far? Listen up. Take notes. Ink this on your forearm. This time I'm going to do something a little different, however, and let this one apply to everybody, even the straight boys who read this. Nay, ESPECIALLY the straight boys. After all, they're just as likely to be in need of advice when it comes to this stuff as the women and men who are gay in my life. Let us begin...


The First Date:

Ah yes, that special time in a not-yet existent relationship which everyone must experience. And loathe. First dates, while fun at first, get old FAST. They begin to feel like job interviews and you wind up wearing the same outfit and telling the same stories at the same bars/restaurants/whathaveyou and you start to wonder if it's even worth going through the effort. How many times can a guy spill his drink on you or make a clumsy uninvited pass before you hang it all up and say the hell with it? But alas, it's a right of passage we must all endure to get to the good stuff. Sort of like dealing with the cork in a bottle of wine...or celery in a bloody mary.

Tips for the First Date:

Wear something comfortable that you've worn before--you'll know you look good and won't have to deal with any surprise wardrobe malfunctions throughout the night.

Stay versatile--if you're going on a day-date, don't wear heels or a tie because you never know when a random hike will occur. Though a tie could come in handy should snakebites happen...Also, if your date is wearing something obviously unsuitable for an adventure, do not even bring up the considered activity, immediately change course and find something more appropriate without making the person feel bad.

Manners--you've either got them or you don't. If you don't, get thee to a library and pick up some Emily Post, stat.

Be considerate--this is different from manners. Being considerate means thinking about their dietary, travel, time constraints, etc. If you know your date is coming from across the city and is allergic to shellfish, do not make them come all the way to you and then take them out for oysters.

Don't try out new material--if you're wondering if a joke will be offensive or your actions could be misinterpreted on a first date, it's best to let it lie until at least the next time out. Otherwise, there will probably be no "next time."

Ask questions--everyone likes to talk about themselves, so encourage the conversation by actually listening and asking your date to expand on something they've said. And if you find yourself doing all the asking, volunteer some information about yourself to get the proverbial ball rolling.

Relax--everyone is anxious on a first date. It's awkward and weird and somewhat uncomfortable and you're trying to be on your best-behavior, but if you don't let yourself shine through, what's the point? They'll just be getting to know the you that's only around on rare, first-datesque occasions. Besides, the more you let yourself be at ease the more the person you're out with will unwind as well, just making things that much more tickety boo all-around.


Dating:

So you've made it past the first date and you actually want to be in a room with this person again--mazel tov! In fact, by this point you've probably been on several dates and actually want to make this "hanging out" thing a regular occurrence. This lovely honeymoon period is full of fun, butterflies and still a bit of lingering awkwardness. It's when you find out how well you mesh with this person, if the attraction is more than skin-deep, and if you could see yourself introducing them to your hyper-critical friends and slightly neurotic side. Now is when it starts getting a bit more interesting...

Get creative--explore your options for date activities. You're not limited to movies and martinis anymore, so branch out and find something else that's fun to do. Know your date likes the beach? Grab a couple pails and shovels and hit the sand for a hole-digging contest. Explore a part of the city you've never visited, go geo-caching, play skeeball, get lost in a museum. The possibilities are endless and just because something isn't part of your usual routine, doesn't mean you won't enjoy yourself.

Keep asking questions--the more time you spend with someone the more trust will develop, and once you've started earning those stripes try expanding your conversations to deeper, more hidden-realms. If you can share your embarrassing moments, times of emotional trial and personal philosophies and neither party bolts in the night it's usually a very good sign.

Be open and straightforward--this isn't about asking questions, per se, it's more about staying on the same page in terms of expectations. If you're out dating other people and don't see yourself changing that, let your date know. If you aren't feeling the partnership vibe with this person, tell them. And if you want something more from the situation, you should also be okay letting that out into the open, too. This is about respecting feelings, both theirs and yours.

Use condoms--seriously. Unless you've reached that point where you know you're exclusive and won't be giving or receiving any unwelcome gifts, do everyone a favor and wrap it up.

Be romantic--this is such an oft overlooked area that is so easily addressed! I'm not talking about sending them flowers every week or buying them gifts or planning out each and every detail of a date--I'm talking about doing or saying things to make this special person in your life actually FEEL special. You may think you've said it a hundred times, but an "I love your smile" or "I'm so happy to be with you" will never get old if you mean it. You don't have to get sappy and you don't have to drop bills to bring a bit of romance into your relationship, just make an effort however you can, because truly, it really is the thought that counts. A short hand-written note wishing them a good day, a brown bag picnic with their favorite food, an unasked for massage, ANYTHING from "The Romantic" entry--the list goes on forever. If you're with this person you like them and want to make them feel all those nice warm and fuzzies on the inside, right? So DO IT. And even if you manage to lock this fantastic person down, don't stop--as one good, engaged, friend of mine said, "wooing never ends, no matter where you're at in the relationship, making her happy makes me happy so we both win." Le sigh et swoon.

Join us next time as we delve into the dirty sock-strewn underbelly of the world of relationships....